The Shelf: Naruto Section
by TaintedEmpath
Summary: Drabbles, one-shots, ideas-from-my-head into words so that I don't have to remember them anymore.


I own nothing that belongs to anyone else.

* * *

Naruto skipped to his apartment door. The de-brief from the mission to Wave Country had finished and he had received his share of the commission. Kicking ass, saving a country and getting enough money for a month of ramen; this was what being a ninja was about.

His room was as he left it. Dirtier and smellier from lack of use, made even more so by his entry. An inability to bathe for the days they had be traveling back to Konoha would leave anyone rank.

Naruto dropped his gear and began to unpack, resolving to clean up when he was finished. The job was soon done and the warm water of his shower beckoned him into its depths.

Unfortunately, foresight has never been a strength of Naruto's, so it was only as he exited his bathroom, towel wrapped around his middle, that the realization came.

He had no clean clothes to wear.

His limited wardrobe had all made the trip to Wave with him, and had all seen action at one point or another.

Washing them at Tazuna's hadn't been an option. Ninja clothing, composed of mesh, metal, and chakra conductive material, are unable to be serviced properly by civilian washers. Specialty laundromats had been created to clean the clothing of Konoha's ninja force. Naruto would have to go to one in order to have something to wear.

This still left him with nothing to wear **to** the Ninja-Mat, but that was nothing that couldn't be fixed with a quick application of Henge.

Naruto used his jutsu to place the image of his orange jumpsuit over his unclothed body, and after gathering his laundry, headed out.

Hopefully no one would disrupt his technique.

* * *

It was closed.

Naruto stared in disbelief at the cheerful sign proclaiming a leave of absence from the proprietor.

He quickly dashed around the side of the building into an alley before more ninja arrived.

'Well,' Naruto thought, 'I need a new plan.' He rubbed his chin as he thought of where other clothes might be washed. Some families could afford their own nin-washers, but they were mostly limited to the large clans who could afford them. Most of whom wouldn't let him use their washers.

Also the naked thing.

'So I need someplace who has a washer, doesn't have many ninja around, and would probably let me use it.'

Naruto grimaced as he thought of the only person who could help him.

* * *

Sasuke was enjoying his time away from his team. He was also enjoying his new Sharingan. He was enjoying it so much that he hadn't turned it off yet; the Sharingan uses surprising little chakra. He rationalized that having it on constantly would help him use learn his bloodline better. He also thought that he looked super cool with red eyes.

The knock on his door startled him out of his training (Read: posing in front of a mirror), but he still went to answer it. While he didn't particularly like anyone who would come to his door, the chance to show off his bloodline wasn't something that he would miss.

It was this that caused him to get an image of Naruto's junk imbedded into his brain when he opened his door.

* * *

Naruto expected Sasuke to open his door.

He didn't expect the girly scream as soon as his teammate caught site of him.

"What?!" Naruto shouted.

The shout startled Sasuke, and he closed his eyes before the horror was seen again.

"WHY ARE YOU KNOCKING AT MY DOOR NAKED?"

"I'm not naked." Denial, denial, denial.

"A HENGE DOESN'T COUNT AS CLOTHING."

"Hey hey hey, I too have clothing."

"IT ONLY COUNTS IF YOU'RE WEARING THEM."

"Okay, so I'm naked. Are you going to let me in or am I just going to stand outside your house and let anyone who sees get ideas."

Naruto was quickly dragged inside.

* * *

Not quickly enough though.

The Sasuke Uchiha Club had rotating watchers stationed outside his house at all times just in case.

In case of what?

Well, let's just say that those civilian girls don't come around anymore.

The argument between Sasuke and Naruto had been noticed, logged and reported to the supervisor of the day shift.

* * *

"What the hell do you want?"

Sasuke wasn't happy about having his idiot of a teammate inside his house.

He was even less happy that said idiot of a teammate was naked at the same time.

If only for his sanity, he had supplied Naruto with a pair of his boxers.

This let him keep his super cool Sharingan on.

"I need to do my laundry and the Ninja-Mat was closed."

"So go to a different one."

"I didn't want to risk people seeing me naked."

"I SAW YOU NAKED."

"Yeah... how'd you do that anyway?"

"My Sharingan can see the chakra behind techniques idiot."

"Oh. Well, I need to use your washer."

Sasuke stared.

"...Please?"

"No. Get out."

"Okay, I know you're upset about the seeing me naked thing," Naruto started, "and I completely understand your view. But I was also seen naked by you so I think that we're even."

Sasuke stared again.

Naruto continued, "So you can let me use your washer, or you can kick me out to walk across town to the other Ninja-Mat. In your clothing."

"...Fine."

"Great! Let's go!" Naruto shouted.

Sasuke hesitated before leading the way towards the back of the house. He walked through halls and rooms before halting before an older wooden door. He looked over his shoulder at Naruto prompting his teammate to squint. Sasuke sighed and pushed the door open to darkness.

Naruto thought he was dying, frost seemed to extend out of the door to grasp him, the darkness sought to seep into his skin, his being and hold him while it filled his soul with despair.

The last Uchiha stared at his teammate as he stood before a nondescript washer and dryer combo in a tiled room.

"What WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?"

"Idiot, what's wrong with you? It's just a washer."

Unbeknownst to its owner and only barely sensed by Naruto, this washer was no ordinary washer.

For you see, this washer was Evil.

For you see, the main reason that nin-washers were different was in their chakra absorbing property from a few handy seals. Every being had chakra, and emitted it to some extent. Ninjas gave off more unconsciously as their reserves increased, and ordinary washers couldn't cope with the (small) increased durability that the clothing obtained through the expelled chakra. Thus, nin-washer. The nin-washer absorbed the chakra and was able to wash the clothing normally.

However, every chakra was unique. But they can have things in common.

The Uchiha clan had evil chakra. To an extent. They weren't all Evil-Evil, mostly just a little Evil. Evil enough to point in the wrong direction if you ask where your runaway dog went. Not Evil enough to ransom it back to you.

The Uchiha's washer had been absorbing evil chakra for years. So much that it had taken on some aspects of the discarded energy.

Like Evil.

Uchiha's couldn't sense it though, as it simply felt like their family. And since they never let anyone else use their family washer, no one else had noticed.

Until Naruto.

Naruto who could sense the malevolence, the ability, want, NEED to commit heinous acts and to see the world burn from this washer. The arrogance, the superiority, the innate darkness suffocated him. He fell to his knees and clawed the air and then the floor as he desperately sought solace from the Evil.

Sasuke stared as his teammate fell to his knees and flailed about in the doorway.

"...the hell is wrong with you?"

"Evil. So much Evil." Naruto gasped.

"...Idiot."

* * *

The day shift supervisor had immediately sent the report to the highest authority she could, the Sasuke Uchiha Club Council. The council deliberated before coming to a unanimous decision.

Their two most trusted agents would be sent to scout the situation.

* * *

Returning now to the situation in question, we find Naruto hesitantly putting his clothes into the Washer of Evil as he had mentally dubbed it. He held up his beloved orange jumpsuit before lowering it into the depths of the cleaner.

Naruto stepped back as Sasuke threw in the soap.

You may be wondering why Naruto didn't separate his whites and delicates.

Easy answer: he doesn't have any.

As Sasuke closed the lid and turned on the cycle, Naruto shivered. An ominous feeling had crept into his mind, he couldn't help but wonder if he had made a horrible mistake. A mistake that would doom them all. A mistake that would cause uncountable people agony and suffering.

A mistake that might shrink his jumpsuit.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," Naruto began.

Sasuke cut him off, "look idiot, your clothes are already washing. Let's just wait, get them done, and get you out."

Naruto hesitated before slowly sitting down and watching as he clothes were cleaned.

And as Evil awoke.

For you see, there wasn't merely human chakra attached to Naruto's clothing, there was also the chakra of a bijuu. And the Kyuubi is, essentially, sentient chakra. As the washer absorbed the chakra from the clothing, the inhuman chakra was swept along, providing a catalyst for the mind of the washer to awaken.

The Washer was aware, and it was angry.

* * *

The Agents slowly crept up to the house, using all their stealth and guile to avoid being detected.

The civilians staring at them as they stalked past them were ignored.

Pink and yellow hair were obvious standouts.

* * *

The attack was sudden.

Years of inability had enraged the Washer past all bounds of restraint, and it expelled it's entries with a swiftness and trajectory that rendered it an effective missile. Clothes and soapy water rained down upon Naruto and Sasuke as the gentle murr of the Washer had turned into a sound that encroached on the soul.

The Sound of Evil.

Naruto and Sasuke jumped into action, training reflexes prompting them to respond to the threat before them.

No matter how crazy it looked.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY WASHER?" Sasuke shouted as he dodged a piece of orange clothing. Super cool eyes for the win.

Naruto, whose face was busy being covered by an orange shirt, was unable to reply.

Sasuke, upon seeing his teammate of no use to their situation, dodged the last piece of ejected clothing and ran around to unplug the Washer.

But Evil will not be Denied.

The Washer gathered all that remains of its essence. Its hate, its rage, its detestation of all things unclean, into its cylinder and powered all its accumulated energy into the middle. There formed a reasonable facsimile of a Bijuu Ball, that ball of destruction that ninjas quailed in the face of.

You know, while they quailed in front of the giant demon chakra thing firing it at them.

Naruto and Sasuke didn't know what it was called, all they knew was light gathering in the middle of the Washer couldn't be a good thing.

At this time, their thoughts were as one.

* * *

Agents Pink and Yellow stood before their destination. Their target before them. Neither had the chance to knock as the door barged open and two soapy genin plowed through them as they barreled away from the house and dived to the side of the doorway.

Ino and Sakura barely had any time to look at the two males before their attention was diverted back to the door, and subsequent hallway of the house. For is was there that the Sound was heard.

The Sound of Evil.

Light and darkness exploded in their vision as they were blasted up and away from the house in a jet of soapy water and chakra.

Naruto and Sasuke lifted their heads after the explosion was finished, and the sound could no longer be heard.

Slowly they inched their way back to the doorway and peeked inside.

The Washer was off, they had won.

Standing up, the two nin faced each other, the enemy they had faced was vanquished.

"We shall never speak of this."

"Agreed."

"...You owe me a a new washer."

"Do not."

* * *

Kakashi was late for their meeting the next morning, as always.

But this morning he was not greeted by his two more exuberant students' shouts.

No, he was greeted by his female student rocking, with her knees to her chest, muttering what to his acute hearing sounded like "Not clean, never clean..."

While his two male students resolutely stared forward in silence not even seeming to notice his arrival.

Kakashi decided not to touch this incident.

* * *

Meanwhile, at Sasuke's, a light flickered on and an ominous murr was heard.

The Washer will rise again.

Evil Finds a Way.


End file.
